Goodbyes Suck

Fourteen Years is Not Enough

Last night I had to say goodbye to one of my best friends.

May 11, 2009 was one of the best days of my life because that was the day Leeloo, aka Larks Little Jet, aka Baby Girl, aka Honey Bear, aka Sweetheart, aka Leeloo Dallas Multi-pass Put That Down, came into the world. As with most amazing things it was equal parts terrifying, exhilarating, humbling, and awe inspiring. Seeing that tiny foal take her first steps and take her first drinks (first drinks eventually, there was some confusion on the correct location for said activity) and just meet the world was something I will never forget. I spent the whole night in the stall with Leeloo and her mom Annie and it still ranks as one of the best experiences of my life. I may have also called the after hours vet like six times with my various “new horse mom” questions until he eventually asked if I just wanted him to come out and take a look at her. Yes please. She of course was fine and I had a bouncy happy foal on my hands. 

Emphasis on the bouncy.


May 11, 2023 was one of the worst days of my life, maybe the worst, because I had to say goodbye to my happy bouncy baby girl. I will write another post going into what happened because my nosy ass would want to know, but for now we’ll leave it at the simple fact that Leeloo died at 10:30 PM on May 11 2003. She was 14 years and 1 hour old. And my heart is broken.

The last fourteen years with that horse have elicited every emotion a person could have. Frustration, excitement, disappointment, happiness, anger, joy, sadness, but more than anything love. I love that horse; I will always love that horse. She taught me so much; from the day she was born right to the day she died she had lessons to teach me. I am a better horse person and a better version of myself because of her.

When I was starting to look around for another mare to breed, Leeloo having had too many weird unexplained health issues making breeding her far too risky for her and any baby, I had two very knowledgeable and experienced horse people tell me that breeding was a sucker’s game and I should just go and buy myself a yearling. You never know what you’re going to get when you breed, so many things can go wrong with pregnancy and birth, and foals, like all babies, seem to be constantly getting themselves in trouble, there are always so many risks. But the thing is loving horses is a sucker’s game, loving any pet is a sucker’s game, hell loving anything at all is a sucker’s game, but it is worth playing. It is so worth playing. I would not trade one day I had with that horse for anything in the world, not even this last terrible birthday.

When Juniper came into our lives and was getting a lot of my attention because of her eye Leeloo started getting jealous and I told her then she was my first baby, she was my best baby, and she will be my baby always, which got shortened to first, best, and always. Every day I would say bye to both of them but would always give Leeloo an extra pat and whisper to her “first, best, and always.”  

First. Best. Always.

I miss you already.